Walked along the waterfront after dropping my daughter off and got caught by a southerly that made my ears properly ache. I'd remembered the raincoat and forgotten that it doesn't cover your entire head unless you actually put the hood up. Once I did, I could hear my own breathing and the fabric flapping more than anything outside. Kept walking until I was warm under the coat and cold across the face, an odd but quite good combination. At home the cat climbed onto my legs before I'd taken my shoes off. His weight stopped me fidgeting. I sat there feeling my toes gradually warm up and let the laundry stay in its basket.

The nursing course information is open beside a shopping list and I keep switching between them as if buying the right groceries will answer the harder question. I can see how the fees might work if nothing expensive breaks. What I can't picture yet is coming home from the clinic and studying instead of doing all the little jobs that already fill the evening. People say you make time, but which bit? I've written down what I actually did tonight, including half an hour looking at rentals I can't afford. There is some time there. I don't know whether it is study time or the bit of the day when I stop being useful.

My daughter came back from her dad's full of a game they'd invented and wanted to explain every rule before taking her jacket off. I was glad she'd had a good time. I also felt a small, mean stab when she said he'd made the best pancakes, because mine apparently need improvement. She wasn't comparing homes, just pancakes. I know that. Still, I caught myself asking what else they'd done in a voice that was too bright. We ended up trying the game and she changed the rules whenever I was winning, which cheered me up more than it should have. I don't need to be the best pancake household. I'd still like the recipe.